A Long Distance Hug To The Girl With The Seven Pretty Blue Salwars

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Dear Blue,

I’m finding it really difficult to respond to your post comparing a life of chosen frugality to a life of enforced frugality.

Ever since our first quaint online correspondence with each other more than a year back — do you remember your first e-mail to me? — I have thought of you fondly, as a friend. Even though we didn’t meet up when you were in India, you have been a regular presence in my online life.

So, I’m really embarrassed that I didn’t realize that you had money problems. It’s a tragedy of the tenuous nature of our online ties that it’s easy to believe that we know our friends, when we don’t really know them at all.

It isn’t easy, or nice, to have less money than you need. I have been there myself and I have seen, firsthand, what it does to people and to relationships. It take away much that is of value and teaches you too little, too late. I wish that I don’t ever have to deal with it. I wish that none of my friends have to ever deal with it.

So, as you go though your last month without a ‘real job’, my thoughts will be with you. For now, here’s a long long-distance hug for you.

Yes, I agree with the conclusion you have drawn from the many ‘a year without X’ experiments, including mine –

When you’re poor, you do what you can to appear better-off, even if it (is financially imprudent)… when you’re financially comfortable, then frugality becomes a statement which can be worn proudly.

There’s no virtue in ‘not having’ something in the first place; the only virtue is in ‘giving up’ something you already have.

Having said that, I want to share with you the two most important lessons I have learned in my life. The first lesson is that you, and only you, can define what is enough for you. The second lesson is that you can truly appreciate having enough, only when you have known how it feels to not have enough. Expect two long follow-up posts on these two topics.

So, hold steady. May is merely a month away. You’ll never be able to look back at the last few months with fondness, but someday you might be able to laugh them off.

Lots of love,

Gaurav

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Comments (8)

  1. blr bytes wrote:

    “you can truly appreciate having enough, only when you have known how it feels to not have enough”

    How I agree. And how true it is. You should highlight and bold this.

    Thursday, April 3, 2008 at 11:14 pm #
  2. @Blr Bytes: Thanks. Do look out for a really long post on the topic. :-)

    Friday, April 4, 2008 at 10:12 pm #
  3. Blue wrote:

    Thanks, Gaurav.

    (Sorry it took me so long to respond!)

    I do remember the first email I sent you. ^__^

    Hugs back atcha.

    Saturday, April 5, 2008 at 12:19 am #
  4. Melody wrote:

    G, this is so sweet. You are an incredible person!

    God bless both you & blue.

    Saturday, April 5, 2008 at 4:25 am #
  5. Sanjay Anandaram wrote:

    Hi Gaurav, your blog was pointed out to me by a friend and so here I am. First off, am also an IIMB alum (91 vintage), so hi! The issue of marketing and consumption is something I’ve been interested in for long and I’ve some fairly well developed views on them. What we consume actually defines who we are as a people. And this consumption in turn is a function of several influences including our upbringing, our sense of self, our insecurities, self-esteem and the like. The role of media and how it affects our sense of self & self-esteem (and therefore consumption) has also been the topic of several serious works. Pop terms like shopping/retail therapy point towards an underlying malaise.

    If you really want the experiment to result in serious insight, I’d suggest you also consume the writings of Erich Fromm (Escape from Freedom, Man for Himself, Art of Loving) , Vance Packard (The Hidden Persuaders) and Oliver James (Affluenza). Consumption in today’s modern world can be well analysed through the prisms of these prior analyses.

    On another note, I think you write well in an engaging way.

    Best wishes
    Sanjay

    Sunday, April 6, 2008 at 4:24 am #
  6. @Blue/ Melody: Thanks :-)

    @Sanjay: Thanks for your kind words. I can’t tell you how much it means to get encouragement from someone with your experience.

    Yes, I agree with you; the insights will basically come from overlaying my own experience over the year on the prior research others have done on the topic. In fact, I have taken some time off from work this month to dig deep into such research. Thanks for pointing me to Erich Fromm, Vance Packard and Oliver James; I’ll add them to my reading list.

    Finally, it’s great to meet someone else who has taken time off the grid to think about why we behave (buy) the way we do. After I have done some more research, it will be great to meet up with you and exchange notes. :-)

    Sunday, April 6, 2008 at 6:04 am #
  7. Amit wrote:

    somehow, all this, including Blue’s posts, are very touching.

    Sunday, April 6, 2008 at 9:03 am #
  8. Jeetendra Haryani wrote:

    hey Gaurav,
    Hi, i dont how i stumpled upon ur blog, i was googling for TAS and i found ur Linkedin profile and then ur blog. I currently pursuing my MBA from Xavier Inst. of Mgmt. and Research, Mumbai. After going thru ur blogs, My right side of my brain has started thinking on ur thoughts… well written will definitely continue to read ur blogs n book

    Sunday, April 6, 2008 at 2:24 pm #

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