The other night, a lady friend was combing her hair in my bathroom when she decided to investigate the state of my toiletries instead.
She made appreciative sounds when she saw my Bvlgari body lotion and Burberry perfume, but was much perplexed when she couldn’t find any aftershave lotion.
Here’s a more or less faithful reproduction of the conversation that followed –
Lady Friend: (clearing her throat) Which aftershave lotion do you use?
Gaurav: Actually, I don’t use one anymore.
Lady Friend: (resuming her inspection of my toiletries) Oh! So, you use an aftershave gel. Those are good too.
Gaurav: Actually, I don’t use aftershave at all — no lotion, balm, or gel.
Lady Friend: (turns around sharply) How can a man not use aftershave lotion? (encouragingly) Come on, it’s okay if you use Old Spice or something. Anything is forgiven in a man who uses Bvlgari body lotion for a back massage.
Gaurav: (laughs) I told you about my off consumption experiment, didn’t I?
Lady Friend: (tentatively) Yes?
Gaurav: So, basically, throughout the year, I’m not allowed to buy anything that is not a necessity. (pauses) I finished my last bottle of aftershave two weeks back and decided that aftershave was not a necessity.